I’ve been having these recurring dreams lately. In these dreams I am a child again, and I am causing trouble against authority figures for no real reason. I’ve never been a big fan of dream analysis, but it’s been on my mind. Maybe it’s my psyche trying to tell me that this little exodus, this attempt to rebel against what by now is my nature, is pointless and childlike. Maybe it’s telling me that deep down, I’m no different from the scared little kid throwing a tantrum in sunday school so he gets thrown out, expecting his parents come to rescue him. Lately, I am oscillating between hating and being at peace with myself.
I am thinking too much. This has always been a problem of mine, but never has it been so fatal as now. I am on the train now; we have just left Brussels and the train is heading toward Germany, where I go next. In Cologne, I will be alone. There is no one I know there. Several people invited me to stay with them in other cities in Germany, but I decided that although the hospitality of the people I met in Paris was wonderful, I should be alone for a while.(more…)
My travels have begun.
The day before yesterday I took the Eurostar (underground train) from London into Paris. I’ve never been on such a train before. I watched the landscape of the rural north of France rushing by outside the window. There is something very beautiful and nostalgic to me about riding in a train or a bus. It’s hard to put my finger on it exactly, but something about staring out of a window and the rumbling of the seat, the white noise of wheels over tracks, it makes me feel very peaceful. I was planning to read a book during the trip, but all I could do was stare outside the window and think.
When I arrived, I was picked up by a guy named Adrien. He is tall, scratchily groomed, 25 years old. He used to be a poker player, but now he is just a student, studying philosophy at the Sorbonne. He sent me an e-mail several days earlier inviting me to stay with him and his mother in their home just outside of Paris for a few nights. When I got to talking to him he told me that the only reason he invited me is because I am also a student of philosophy. He is an interesting character, and I will write more about him and our conversations in the future.
He and his friends took a liking to me and showed me around Paris. They were amazingly generous to me and all loved showing me around. I saw Montmartre, the Basilisque du Sacre-Coeur, the Eiffel Tower, and the Tuilerie Gardens. I had seen Paris before when I was 18, but it was a more wonderful experience this time around. I feel more able to experience it, if that makes sense. Unfortunately my camera was out of batteries so I couldn’t take any photos, but it was an awesome experience standing at the base of the Sacre-Coeur and looking over the entire city of Paris laid out before us.(more…)
I just wanted to mention and link this here, because I think it’s responsible to do so. This will be my last time engaging the poker world. From my previous blog:
At this point, all of the truths have come to light. I am only updating this blog so that everything is in one place. For those of you who have not read it, I have come forward on HSNL and told the entire story of the Girah scandal. Since Jungleman confessed to playing on Girah’s account, there is no reason anymore for me to protect him and hold back the truth.
This is my last and final word on the matter. I have answered every question asked of me over two days, and now I will be leaving poker (and this apartment) for good.
Just wanted to mirror that here. In a couple hours I will be done with this and moving on. I have been very unfair to a friend of mine who has promised to help me embark on my travels, and so I need to make things right with her as well and stop procrastinating/jerking her around. So this will be the end of my time in the poker world.(more…)
I’ve finally gotten a full night’s sleep again.
The night after I posted my last blog entry, my mind was restless thinking about all of the hatred that people would have for me. Jungle went out to meet up with some fellow high stakes players who also wanted to see me and grab dinner together, but I told them that I wasn’t feeling well. I kept waking up in the middle of the night, only to roll over, stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, and bury my face in my pillow to try for another hour’s sleep.(more…)
This is a post.
I will write more when more stuff happens. I don’t know my plans yet or where I am going to go, but for those of you who wish to contact or meet me, I am reachable at haseebonroad at gmail dot com. Once I decide what exactly my plans are, I will write more. Right now the first thing I could use is tips on backpacking. I am reading what I can find and getting in touch with friends who have some experience doing it, but I would love to hear the advice of others. I hope to embark on the road before next week. I plan to carry nothing more than a backpack with me, and I don’t intend to fly anywhere. I am leaving most of what I brought with a friend in Nottingham, since I won’t need most of it.
As of now, the only plan is to make it to the Czech republic by September to meet up with a friend who will be there. So, I will probably trek south, take the ferry to France, and then start going east.
I haven’t been sleeping well for the last week, so that’s probably the first step.