Haseeb Qureshi

My Silence

Despite my promise to write once I got out, I have been silent on this blog for a month now. In fact, it’s probably been about a month since I haven’t hated any word of mine that has touched a page.

For those who are wondering what I’ve been up to – since the vow of silence I spent a few days in London and then finally flew back to Austin on the 24th of November. But what I returned to was not the peace and stability I had been looking forward to. My younger brother has been very mentally unwell. My parents were holding off on taking any drastic actions until I came home and had a chance to try to reach out to him, since I’ve always been the only person in the family he was comfortable with. So since I got back I have been staying with him and looking after him, but he kept getting worse. When he attempted suicide, we had no choice but to admit him to a clinic up in Houston on recommendation of his psychiatrist, and so I have been staying here with him by myself for the last two weeks and visiting him everyday. It has been difficult, and tiring to be honest. Once he returns home tomorrow I will try to continue to look after him and remain at his side until he gets better. It’s a long story, as you can imagine. He is in a very dark and lonely place. And it seems I am the only one who can truly reach him.

But in the meanwhile, my mind has been so chaotic and agitated that I’ve been unable to focus or write. Everything that comes out of it just seems like shit. I will try to be patient and to plow through whatever this next hill demands of me. But I hope that soon things will settle down and I can start to really put down my roots again… that somewhere on the other side of this, a healthy and nurturing space will coalesce for me. But until then, I wanted to write something in this blog. If for no other reason, to assure that I am still alive and (relatively) well, and that my damned mind is still as abuzz as ever. When I am ready to write and don’t hate every attempt to put metaphorical pen to paper, I will write about what I experienced during the 10 days of silence, and how it affected me.

I apologize for my silence. And know that I hate what a writer I am, as much as probably a lot of you do.

But also know that I intend to become better. And that when I am ready, I am going to write something great.

-Haseeb
  • ile

    Not hating and thanks for sharing. A lot of positive thoughts and strength from here to there.

  • Jesus, I can’t believe some people buy into your horseshit.

    Yes what you write is inane, trite bull. Please do hate every word you put onto paper as much as you should loathe yourself.

    If it is not a lie (and you are very prone to lying hey Haseeb, as anyone in the poker community, or who has the misfortune to have met you, knows – it’s almost pathological), then the fact you have, in public, written about your brother’s condition and distress and in such a self congratulatory, savior like way should make you want to give up writing – forever. Hell if not just giving up. What a complete piece of shit you are Haseeb Qureshi. Does he know you’re usuing him as literary masturbation?

    A little word to the wise – you plan to write books, articles more masturbatory drivel? Don’t. Seriously. You’re really not as good as you think you are at it and your life hasn’t been, isn’t and is probably never going to be that exciting. You have nothing to offer the world Haseeb. You are a little, little man. Naive, immature and not as clever as you would wish. You had 5 minutes of poker fame eons ago. You couldn’t sustain it because other people were better than you; and so you rode their coat-tails for a while until it all came crashing down around your ears. Friends, who you leeched off and then embroiled in the scam that finally saw your downfall. And your parting gift to them? Well, trying to get as much money out of them as possible or writing lies in your blog. How’s the trying to extort money out of Dan and Jose going Haseeb? It’s not bad enough you cost one kid his career and severly tarnished the career of the other? You want to get paid too?

    Uses his brother’s condition and attempted suicide as a hero/martyr exercise, leeches and scams his friends/community, lies, writes fucking awful prose and expects that people should be interested because he is Haseeb Qureshi.

    What a guy – lol (for real).

    You need to get yourself to one of those retreats again, buddy. Can I suggest at least 10 years this time?

  • DrewP – I don’t believe I know you (if I do, could you tell me who you are?) but I encourage you to e-mail me at haseebonroad@gmail.com. I don’t know what motivates you to read my blog and post toward me, but I can see you hate me and think the worst of me. I’d like to talk to you. I hope you will see to that desire with respect – that I am in fact a person, that I do not think I am perfect or without fault or that I have never done anything wrong. But also that I do not believe myself a bad person. And if I am wrong about myself and there are things about myself that in fact I do not see, it should stand to reason that the best thing that could happen is for me to realize it and take steps to better myself, I think.

    But maybe you just really want to be vocal about hating me for its own sake, and if that’s the case, that’s fine too.

    Haseeb

  • Karma baby, what goes around comes around. You’re a loser for life.

  • I know who you are. Why in the hell would I want to talk to you? By email or any other means. I’ve heard you and it all before.

    Of course YOU don’t think you’re a bad person. The crazy never see how crazy they are, the immoral assholes never see what immoral assholes they really are. If you’re not a bad person then why do you think so many people think you are? All those people saying you’re a lying, scumbag piece of sh1t, are they all wrong? Just you and the last few people walking this earth who haven’t seen you for what you are, only they are right? Majority rules buddy.

    It would be easier for you to believe that all those people calling you out for the immoral douchebag you are just hate poor old Haseeb. Truth is buddy we feel nothing about you. We just won’t keep quiet when you post masturbatory horseshit.

    This blog is just your pity party, for one.

  • Haseeb, I left the poker scene in the summer of 2010 but I used to watch your videos on DC. You’re an incredible instructor.

    I’m sory for all of the hurts and rejections you’ve had to face. People can be cruel and quick to judge.

    God loves you, and He values you immensely. He so loves us all that He sent His Son Jesus to die 2000 years ago, to bear the punishment for all our sins, that we might receive forgiveness for everything we’ve ever done or ever will do wrong. Jesus died with our sins laid on Him, and then He rose again, returning to His Father. The Word of God says that we’ve all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but that we can be justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Jesus.

    Come into right standing with God through the free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, and not only do you get saved from the consequences of sin (hell) and go to heaven after death here, but God also desires relationship with you here and now. He is full of compassion, gracious, loving and kind. Forget religion, think relationship. Religion is traditions of men, vain imaginations. Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. God has a purpose for you, bigger than you could ever imagine.

    I used to be a total mess, completely lost in addictions, in loneliness, anxiety, but I gave my life to Jesus. He took away my sin and gave me right standing with our Father God, and now we’re on an awesome journey. He’s freed me from so much, and I’m now married with a child on the way, and He’s preparing me to reach the lost, the hurt, the broken. Only He can truly satisfy your soul.

    The Word of God says that if we confess Jesus as Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised Him from the dead, we shall be saved.
    If you want Jesus, and to receive the free gift of salvation, pray this.
    ” Father God, I know I’m not in right standing with you, but I want to be right with you. Thank you for sending Jesus to die for me. I believe that He died on a cross, was buried, and that you raised Him from the dead. Jesus I ask you to save me. I confess you as Lord of my life. Thank you.”

    Let me know if you have any questions.

    Love you bro,
    Stephen

  • Meanwhile you’re lost, searching for ground, I recommend You to read this book: Matthieu Ricard – Happiness

    Cheers,
    Norbert

  • to DrewP:
    have u ever met him in person?
    if not then i think u should shut the fuck up because u cant truly know or understand a person until u talk to them and look in their eyes

  • hope everything works out ok for you Hasseeb

  • Hey Haseeb I’m sorry you’re having to go through such a tough time with your brother, for selfish reasons also it sucks because I really enjoy your writing. Hopefully someday you update us with your silence trip as I think it’s very fascinating, stay strong with the struggle!

  • I’ve read a ton about HQ. I’d have to say all the evidence is pretty convincing that we are dealing with a pretty dishonest person. And yes after reading this blog about his brother, you realize there is something clearly disturbed about HQ. I’m suspecting he will never realize this though.

  • Hey, Haseeb – I hope all is well with you and your family.

    I’d like to take a second to thank you for your video series on DC. It had a tremendous impact on my development as a poker player by inspiring me to switch to heads up, a form I had found intimidating, and by showing me the rigor with which I would need to approach hand and game analysis to be successful.

    Thank you, Haseeb.

  • Hi, Neat post. There’s a problem with your site in web explorer, might test this? IE still is the marketplace chief and a big part of folks will leave out your great writing because of this problem.

  • Hi Burberry,

    Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I looked into this, and apparently the WordPress default themes discontinued optimization for IE. I will soon purchase and install a new, cleaner-looking theme, which should resolve any compatibility issues with IE9. :)

    Haseeb